Hospitality

An entire industry has been built around hospitality; we call it the ‘hospitality industry.’ But an industry is a strange way to designate a social function of such personal and community significance. Have we commodified hospitality, making it a transactional matter, instead of it being a gracious, freely given, means of connection between peoples? This was certainly the way it worked in Roman society; shame was experienced if you got it wrong. 

Hospitality started in families, and in some cases that is exactly where it ends. Nonetheless, hospitality is a vital progenitor and function of great relationships, and healthy communities. It can be abused, equally it can be a means of showing kindness and love.

And like anything of value, it can be become an expectation, an obligation, instead of gift.  And gift always assumes personal agency – I choose to show kindness and generosity; it isn’t something being forced upon me. That is the ideal; life, however, is messier.

In the Christian community hospitality is a big deal; it is important; it reflects God’s nature. Much of what I have experienced is wonderful. Some of what I have seen - not so much. Some people naturally excel at it. I’m not one of them. I had to learn hospitality; it hasn’t come easily. Still learning. 

If we are always expecting hospitality, we will eventually be disappointed. This is because not everyone will be able to do what others can. They just don’t have the resources. And when hospitality becomes an expectation, instead of being received as a gift, it has warped into something owed, not given. And that means it is no longer hospitality. 

So, how do we show hospitality and how do we receive it? 

Even though hospitality is expected in God’s church, it still requires a willing participation, otherwise it is back to obligation. God’s spirit quickens us but doesn’t disregard our obedience/response. 

We need to be in charge, or take ownership of the process, so that it is a willing response and therefore a loving action. We should never feel guilty by setting standards of expectation with our hospitality, particularly as they relate to our homes and time. If I make my home or time available to people, it should be clear it is a gift and not something that morphs into an expectation from them. When this happens, resentment enters the picture. Being taken for granted is never a good feeling, and not one we should encourage by not being clear that our hospitality is in our hands to administer; it is not for the person on the receiving end to dictate the terms. This does happen, and kind people often don’t know how to respond, so they are trapped with a gift that has become an expectation. 

Not that this assumes we shouldn’t be generous in hospitality – that is a given and best reflects the image of God. 

On the receiving end we should express thankfulness for all kindnesses shown to us – everything is a bonus.  We should avoid complaints about what we weren’t given, what we weren’t treated like. This might teach us humility – none of us are that important as to demand hospitality along with its, often co-joined twin, honor. If you are the president of a country, we might expect different rules to apply, but seeing as none of us is – normal rules apply. 

Be hospitable. Be thankful. 

Be generous, Be a contributor.