Speaking the Truth, In Love
Context
The scripture referred to in the title is from Ephesians 4.1-6, which speaks of the unity of the body of Christ (the church), and the gifts of Christ to his body to assist in a growth process, to the end that the church, empowered by the five gifts of the ascended Christ and the gifted contribution of each member, grows in strength and love. ‘Speaking the truth in love’ refers to the watchful task of not being affected by every wind of doctrine that blows through the church. This verse assumes mature doctrine begins with and is completed in the person of Jesus Christ, thus avoiding speculations and fascinations, so common to the church, then and now.
There is, implicit in these verses, the fact truth can be spoken in such a manner that it lacks love. Maybe it is the truth administered as a hammer, or with a liberal sprinkling of condemnation. Speaking the truth isn’t always popular. It can, however, be spoken in ways that are compelling, kind, insightful, ways that avoid vitriol and unnecessary contention. Yet we still face the fact that the truth of Christ, his Lordship and victory, isn’t necessarily palatable with the demands of social and religious inclusivity. Every era has its ‘winds of doctrine’ that differ from biblical and historic Christianity. Speaking the truth in love helps avoid these passing winds that denigrate or minimize Christ. But this is seldom the way these verses are employed.
Common Interpretations
They are more commonly employed for telling someone the truth – the truth they need to hear about themselves, their situation, etc. In other words, confrontation or reproof. We have another less aggressive word – adjustment, a chiropractic treatment of the soul.
It can also refer to telling it as it is, but doing so in such a manner that people aren’t given reasonable cause for reactionary responses. It might be something difficult to digest, but love helps many a bitter pill go down. This has an obvious apologetic application in spaces such as gender politics/identity and the applicability of historical moral ethics.
Possible Alternatives
Speaking the truth in love could also be interpreted as speaking, or conversing, truthfully, as in not corruptly, deceitfully, or hiding behind exaggeration. Hyperbole is a valid means of expression, but it doesn’t include making oneself seem better than others. Exaggeration with self-aggrandizement in mind is not speaking the truth, much less speaking it in love.
Sometimes speaking the truth can be plain, unadorned; it seems to lack verbal sparkle. Truth need not be fabulous to be true; it doesn’t cry out in the streets for attention; it is enough for it to be true.
One subset of the above is to say something like – ‘everyone thinks this,’ or ‘everyone else agrees.’ This is seldom the case. It is what you, or I, want everyone to think to bolster our case and establish the point. It may be truthful to say that many of those I know, or something similar, but not to say everyone, which is inherently disingenuous. This is not speaking the truth, much less does love get a word in. Aside from that, resorting to all-inclusive statements is a poor communication skill, although one much favored. Everyone does it.
Another angle on this theme is using the term ‘everyone’ to blame everyone, which conveniently exonerates the blamer from responsibility and, heaven forbid, the necessity of forgiveness. This is the classic ploy of the victim (understanding there are real victims), saying they have been misunderstood or misrepresented by the ubiquitous ‘everyone.’ It may be sobering to admit, ‘everyone’ doesn’t know them, and if they did, they may be likely to care the less (understanding nobody can care for ‘everyone’). Spurious victims don't speak the truth; love is far from them.